On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
