i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
