He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
