Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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