you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize