remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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