thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
