I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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