im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
