So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
