all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
