Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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