you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
