If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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