There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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