sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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