i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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