i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
