She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My bed smells like the plague
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize