I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
