Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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