According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
