So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can't turn off my feet"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
