I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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