You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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