Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
