Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
