Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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