We named our party play list daddy issues
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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