I think I died a long time ago.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize