My first STD was from a foam party
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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