i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
