You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
