Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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