im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
