You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
