wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
