I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize