Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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