I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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