So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize