Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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