And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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