I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
where does the pee come out of this thing
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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