You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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