it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He? As in you personified your dick?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize