and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
