we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
