I think im going to throw up on grandma
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
