I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
