I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
