i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
