You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
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