please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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