I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So squirting runs in the family.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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