Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
