$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
