rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
