He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
