No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
