spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
