i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
