Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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