she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
