My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Someone signed my nipple.
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