This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Every concussion has its silver lining
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
