the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Randomize
