White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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